i wanted to write another entry in here...it may be my last i dunno...2day would have been one year and a half for us but we broke up 2 weeks ago....things had changed so much between us...i dunno what happened to the love that we had...most of the time i dont even think u really loved me....i no u thought u did but i juss dont no ...u cause me so much hurt..i cant even describe it ...and you grow more cold and distant as time goes on..i loved you more than nething else in this world...i gave u everything i had 2 give and i would  have still given u more...u neva said so straight up but i no that towards the end u juss didnt want to b with me nemore...and then u said u wanted 2 b my freind n i tried so hard  2 make it work but u didnt even want me as that....i no u said that its hard 2 talk 2 me but im not sure i can believe u nemore ....i wish u could juss b honest with me but in all reality i dunno if id believe u neway....u crushed every dream i had of true love...i really did want 2 spend the rest of my life with u....when i gave u that ring i was really makin a commitment 2 you..but u didnt even want it...i have so many mixed emotions when it comes 2 u...ders a part of me that hates you....hates you for all the hurt u cause me ..for makin me believe in something that wasnt true and for walkin away from me like it was nuttin....ive never hated ne1 in my whole life but i feel so much anger towards u.....and at the same time ders a part of me that wants u bac and still loves u....and even tho ive accepted the fact that ur done with me ders a small part of me that almost wishes that u'd come c me and apologize and tell me that it'll al b ok and that u really do love me....but i no that'll never happen.....and im goin 2 move on...i took down everything i had that was from u....im determined 2 4get bout u ...u've lost me ....ur not even gonna have me as a freind..im tired of chasin after u and only gettin hurt...i wish it didnt have to be like it i really do....u've been the biggest part of my life for the past 2 n a half years and it hurts so much 2 no that its all gone n done with....but i cant keep tryin when i no u dont want me thats y i broke up with u da first time and y i told u dat if u wanted 2 stay 2gether it would all b on u ...u've made ur decision and now ive made mine....n hopefully we can both live with it ...i love u michael ....good bye

looks our journal has kinda been ignored for about a year....yea well a lot has changed since den...i was readin our past entires n i cant help wishin we could b like dat again ... we were so excited to spend a day 2gether and juss 2 hold hands n now it seems like sooner or later we juss end up mad at each other...in fact we just got into an arugment which ended badly and u didnt wanna talk 2 me nemore...i love u michael with everything i have...ive given u my heart body and soul...and i dont think i could take dem bac even if i wanted 2...what i have with u is forever...but it seems like so much has changed...u've said that i want to change u and u no what maybe i do ...but not into a different person but into the person who wrote me those entries almost a year ago...u think bein open with me is juss tellin me when ur pissed at me but its not....i want the good and the bad...i want u to tell me what u thought about my gift to u 4 our 1 year aniversary...i want u to tell me what makes u so uncomfortable about guy....i want to no what makes u smile..what makes u cry ...what makes u angry....i want to no when i mess up or when i do something good...i want this to work...i want to live the rest of my life with u HAPPILY...u told me that dis relationship wasnt goin 2 b easy n it hasnt been but i dont understand y...i love u more then i would have ever thought possible...i would spend every nite cryin if it meant bein with u...and i no u love me 2 ...so y is this so hard...y is it dat i cant keep u happy..dat ders always something that i do dat upsets u...and y is it that i spend so much time cryin....i want to go bac to how we used to be...i love u so much and no matter what im gonna make this work....ive tried to change and if u cant then ill try 2 deal with it but baby i dont wanna fight nemore..i dont wanna cry...i juss want us 2 b like it was in da beginning... i no we've both messed up but i want us 2 b happy...so im sorry baby...im sorry for everything ive done wrong...i dunno what 2 do tho..so if u got ne suggestions ill take dem ....i love u

~Cynthia~

Wow baby its nice to no that you've been keepin da journal up while i havent had internet......o wait u didnt lol What am i gonna do with u huh. From now on i expect 2 c more on here considerin dat we dont really have a lot of free time nemore n da reason u made dis was that even if we both were busy we could still talk through dis...so yea i think now would b a good time 2 start again...well i gotta go eat i would call ya but ur busy right now so i guess ill ttyl when u call me. Bye baby i love u

~Cynthia~

aye baby.. today was actually really fun.. i enjoyed every moment at the party.. i got to meet ur uncle, funny guy, i wish i had more time to talk to him, n a bunch of other really nice people.. we got to chillax n be funny n goof off n it was great.. so many lil funny things happened today.. the lizard in the car on the way home.. stefeno<not sure if i spelled the correctly> in his harry potter outfit.. the bounce house.. spin the bottle.. i could really go on.. OH!! but the best thing was ur reaction to the tres leches.. my goodness that was the funniest thing i had ever seen.. u were all like that doesnt look like sumthin i should be eatin.. but u did n it was good n i got a sugar rush n it was great.. LoL!! but yea.. i hope we can do that again soon i enjoyed myself.. but yup.. ill stop now.. i love u babe n since ur probably readin this at skool have a good day if not have fun at where ever u are.. n ill talk to u in a lil bit.. hehe i love u so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much!

~Mike

Hey baby.. i kno i havent really been puttin mucj effort into postin on the journal lately.. i guess u can say that its been slipin my mind for the past month.. but i promise that ima try postin a lil more when i get a chance.. i just wanted to say that the weekend was great.. i walked threw a few haunted houses with u n spent most of the time holdin u.. i couldnt think of a more ideal weekend then that.. or atleast at this point in our relationship.. because i seriously cant wait to spend everyday with u.. n hey im gettin my liscense soon so we'll be able to go to the drive in more often.. it was kinda funny.. ur titi almost blinded that poor guy n his girlfriend.. i wanted to laugh.. that was so unorganized.. but i enjoyed myself n hopin u did too.. OH!! n i almost forgot.. im so so so so so so sorry for the way lizandra acted the whole time.. from ignorin u.. spendin the whole time in the car with jeff.. or on the phone n then yellin all ignorent like she did, im so embarassed. but im so happy to see u smile the whole time regardless of the way she acted. i really could go on but my mom wants me to look at that state farm packet so i can get my car insurance next week.. keep ur fingures crossed baby.. iight.. i gotta go but i'll be talkin to u in a lil bit.. i love u morena.. con toda mi alma

~Mike

Hey baby its my half day n i gotta wait for da buses 2 get here so i figured dat i would come in the media center n go online 4 a lil bit..i tried callin u but u didnt pick up..but yea baby im so excited bout this weekend...if u think about it were gonna b spendin pretty much 3days 2gether. its gonna b awesome!!!! yea its been all ive been thinkin bout. n sunday is our anniversay 2!!!!! n den monday is my birthday!!!!!! could it get ne better lol. well yea ima go n check on da buses i love u baby MUAH

~Cynthia~ aka tu Morenita

Aye babe.. I'm at work, jus sittin here doin nuthin.. nobodies in the offce today, jus my mommy n me. she had a customer comin in today so we're jus here waitin for her to come in. i really didnt wanna get off the phone with u last night. i felt wierd gettin off the phone n not even bein a lil tired.. i think i could've stayed up till the sun came up talk last night.. but NOOO i had to come into work today.. i really dont like this place n my grandma says that i should try gettin a job here instead of at McDonalds.. which isnt all that bad an idea but id really rather work at a place where i can be a lil mor active n up n about.. u kno what i mean.. n hey when i do start work i can stop by at ur house to "drop off Jeff" if u kno what i mean.. so see there is a plus side to the torture n agony of workin at McDonalds.. LoL!!.. but yea.. yesterday was great.. we really gotta do that more often.. jus chillax n leave the.. OHH!! ur callin me so i guess this journal is over.. iight baby i love n i'll ttyl

~Mike~

hey baby.. i wrote a long entry b4 but yea u no what happened 2 it lol so ima keep dis 1 short n simple. Yesterday was interestin lol i had a good time tho even wit all dat drama. Im sorry baby not juss 4 freakin out on u yesterday but for da last couple of weeks. I've juss spent so much time worry bout lizandra n stressin myself out n it really wasnt fair 2 u. so ya i dont wanna do dat nemore whateva happens happens..shes juss gonna have to deal wit it. i really did have a good time yesterday tho...i mean we got some alone time together n everything. n i went 2 my first drive in movie!!! yay lol n da car ride home was really nice  hehe i got a few good kisses 2 lol we need 2 do dat again..... i didnt want it 2 end  i kept thinkin about how much i love u n seriously if we didnt have to i wouldnt have moved but yea i had 2 go home n see my family. but trust me i would have been happy juss stayin der wit u lol but hey at least when i left u didnt have to restrain urself... i cant believe 24 hours lata it was still tinglin sorry babe hehe....n i cant believe u left ur computer n charger at ur uncles house !!!!! now i gotta wait 2 talk 2 u lol well i guess ill ttyl i love u baby MUAH

~Cynthia~

hey sweetheart.. i read ur post n it inspired me to write the long entry ive wanted to do for about 2 days now cause i cant say for a while cause id be lyin. lol.. but yea, today took alot outta me.. i came home.. chillaxed n the next thing u kno i had dinner plans with my grandma n mom.. n yea ur baby got some muscle today.. they really put me to work carryin heavy boxs n junk.. but yea, babe i got to sit next to u n hold ur hand n everythin today.. i saw u n was like  i dont believe someone that beautiful can love me back as much i love her.. i was kinda disapointed cause i didnt get a kiss but hey i guess thats what we have tomorrow for, huh.. i really hope we get some time for just u n me before u gotta go home. n no whether we sit behind my mom n lizandra n do a lil kissin it doesnt matter.. i want alone time ok, 5 to 10 min will do.. iight, just so we can talk n be alone. oh n i talked to my mom n she said that she would lend me the money to buy my car when the time comes so hopefully by next year ill be drivin in an all new nice mitsubishi lancer n have enough money left over to get a stereo n parts to make it look a lil sportier<-if thats how u world spell it/ but yea.. i sadly dont feelin too that my cars gonna last me more then 1 n a half more years .. but hey if i get a brand new nice car im not complainin. but yea.. i think its time for me to relax n try to get some shut eye.. i guess ill talk to u after u get home from the movies if u want if not maybe sooner then i thought.. iight ma, I LOVE U!!

~Mike